


Worries Take Their Toll

by Outlandish800



Series: The (mis)adventures of Lestat De Lioncourt and his violinist [5]
Category: Vampire Chronicles - Anne Rice
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Author Is Sleep Deprived, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Oh Honey, get these boys a therapist, if only you knew what was going to happen, seriously Lestat thinks everything is going to work out in the end, so much crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:47:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28736721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Outlandish800/pseuds/Outlandish800
Summary: It's projecting onto writing time! Have fun with this one.An alternate title to this could be- Lestat gets insecure but still finds a way to be a brat, and then tempts Nicki into thoughts of marriage because that willdefinitelywork out in the end.
Relationships: Nicolas de Lenfent/Lestat de Lioncourt
Series: The (mis)adventures of Lestat De Lioncourt and his violinist [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2036752
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	Worries Take Their Toll

Evidently, Lestat was not particularly pleased by how little money he was pulling in, he wanted to do more for Nicki, to provide more than meager meals and a poor living arrangement. He was sitting in his armchair in the sitting room, Nicki had left for some reason long forgotten by Lestat, a reason that wasn't pertaining to his interest at that point. The blond was seething, hating himself for being so foolish in thinking he and Nicki would have had the perfect life as soon as they moved to Paris, as soon as they had gotten away from the small village they had both once called home. He was beginning to believe that they were no more than two foolish men who had wanted to merely run away from a life that had certainly been more comfortable than how they lived now, that he was the bigger fool of the two of them because he had actually believed in his perfect little fantasy. Lestat shot up from his slouched down position when he heard the doorknob turn, he wanted to talk to Nicki about their situation, wanting to see where the violinist wanted to go with all they had already begun. Though of course he couldn't help the small smile that spread across his face at the sight of Nicki, who in turn grinned back and held up a bottle of wine, which clearly hinted at a night of drunken fun, though his frustration was quick to return and his smile vanished. "Nicolas..." Lestat trailed off, his eyes darting down in a way to avoid the brunets gaze, no doubt Nicki was looking down in confusion, trying to figure out what was going on with the blond and why he sounded so off-put. "What's the matter, hmm?" Nickis voice was soothing as Lestat heard the bottle thud down onto the side table, he kept his eyes averted from the violinist as Nicolas crouched beside the armchair the blond was inhabiting, seemingly unwilling to do such a simple thing as meet Nickis eyes. "Nicki. Do you even want to be here with me? Or is there some motive you haven't told me of?" Lestat posed his question in a soft tone, hearing Nicolas sigh slightly in response and preparing himself for the worst. The blond had a feeling Nicki simply didn't want him any more, and all of their time together and the brunets kindness was nothing more than an act to keep Lestat satisfied.

"Lestat, what's gotten into you? Why are you asking such foolish questions?" Nickis question sparked Lestats frustration further, in his mind it was clear that the violinist was still trying to keep his act up despite being openly confronted. "You didn't answer my question. Do you even want _me_?" His question caused Nicolas to throw back his head in laughter, the reaction causing Lestat to growl slightly and clench his teeth, how dare the violinist continue in this pretending? How dare he blatantly deny what was the obvious truth to Lestat? "Honestly, have you left your brain behind at the theatre? Of course I want you, do you think we'd spend time together in the ways we do if I did not?" Though Nickis words were logical and honest, Lestats frustration and silent grievances were preventing him from seeing sense, and instead those words were only working him up more. "You deny it still you know I am right. We have terrible living conditions, we hardly have enough money, our life here isn't exactly the definition of 'good', at least that's not what most folk would call the way we live." Lestats voice trembled as he spoke, though the tremor was less from coming tears and more from him trying to push back his anger, something that had obviously not gone unnoticed by Nicolas. Lestats lip curled in a snarl as the violinist cupped his chin in his somewhat warm hand and turned his head, forcing the blond to meet his soulful brown eyes and clearly analyzing Lestat as he always did when the slightly taller man was in such moods. "What did you think our life would be when we first got here? Surely you didn't think it would be lavish mansions and well-paying shows?" Nicki sounded almost disappointed by Lestats foolishness, though the blond took no notice of this and was continuing in his furious ranting. "No, but I at least thought we would have enough money for good living conditions, face it Nicolas, our living situation has worsened upon leaving Auvergne, we-" the blond was cut off by Nicki, who had placed his hand over Lestats mouth to silence him effectively, despite the blonds indignant glare that was given in response to the violinists actions. "Would you stop? Just because things aren't the best now doesn't mean they won't be eventually, but you need to have some patience darling. Good things don't simply fall into ones lap upon their escape from a small village, we still need to work to earn what we need and want." 

Instead of vocally responding to this, Lestat promptly bit Nickis hand to get the brunet to remove his hand from his mouth. Nicolas reeled back and looked at the blond with surprise, sighing as Lestat carried on with his raving. "We're barely affording basic necessities such as food and clothes to keep us warm. We should be a little better off by now, shouldn't we? I know you're talented, we both know that, so what's going wrong? Did we make a mistake in leaving so suddenly and with no preparation or further planning? Why-" "Oh stop! You idiotic man! How dare you speak such foolish words? Just because you're so used to getting things quickly means nothing here, we left for a good reason. Why can't you realize that if I did not want this life and did not want you that I would have never come here with you, nor would I have let our relationship get this far!" Lestat was cut off again by the furious sentence as the brunet stood from his crouched position, Nicki had rendered him silent with the harshness and volume of the words, yelling was something that Lestat usually partook in, not Nicolas. The blond remained silent for a few more moments, his mouth working without truly producing words before he was able to recollect himself and continue in his desperate attempt to make Nicolas see what he did. "Why aren't you understanding? You don't deserve to live such a horrid life, you deserve the world, not this." Lestats hand were balled up into fists so tight it was beginning to hurt, certainly there would be blood drawn by the end of their argument. "But I _want_ this, I would rather sit together in the streets and beg for money shamelessly than live in luxury without you." The mere suggestion of Nicki begging in the disgusting streets of Paris and doing unspeakable things just for a bit of money made Lestats stomach turn, certainly it would have emptied had he eaten anything that day. "Don't say things like that, please never say things such as that to me." The blond pleaded, standing up and gripping Nickis shoulders tightly. He just wanted the violinist to listen to him, not to give foolish suggestions, Lestat never wanted to hear Nicki say such a thing again. 

"I won't, not if you don't want me to. Oh, Lestat, did you truly think I didn't want you when I came home today? Whatever made you think that?" As Nicki gently removed the blonds hands from his shoulders, Lestat couldn't help but wonder what he was doing, though this questioning was cut short as the violinist pulled him into a tight hug. "Tell me, what upset you so that you would suggest I didn't love you anymore?" Lestat wanted desperately to stay angry, to pretend he wanted to push Nicki away, but the gentle words and the soft scent of Nicki was all it took to bring Lestats anger to it's knees and to bring his sadness to the surface. The blond began to sob and tried to explain through his unrelenting tears all he was afraid of, how he was terrified that Nicki would find someone else who made more money and looked better and that Nicki would leave. Nicolas had remained silent all through Lestats stumbling attempts to explain, only speaking once it was clear the blond was finished. "Lestat, my darling. I won't be leaving anytime soon, for anyone, it wouldn't matter if I were approached by the richest man in the world, he wouldn't be you. I don't think I _can_ live without you, if I'm being completely honest." Nickis voice was low and soothing, though it was clear to Lestat that Nicki was grateful their small argument hadn't worsened. Lestat gave no response and instead hid his face in the violinists shoulder, still sobbing but feeling somewhat humiliated due to his lack of control. "How about we go and sit down? No point in standing when there's a perfectly good armchair to use." Lestat gave no response, letting Nicki lead him to the armchair, he was stuck in his own mind and was hardly paying attention to what was happening. He wasn't aware that Nicki was speaking until the violinist gently shoved his shoulder, he looked up at Nicki with eyes that were undoubtedly glazed over, he met his beloveds gaze and tilted his head in silent questioning. "Never mind, mon cher. Just sit." Lestat gave Nicki a doubtful look as the brunet settled down in the armchair, opening his arms as if he were inviting the blond to sit on his lap. "On you?" Lestat asked, his tone giving away just how he felt about that. 

"Yes, on me. Sit." Lestat obeyed, he always did if Nicki wanted him to. He was dimly aware of Nickis arms coming around him, tugging him closer, the soft hush of Nickis voice in his ear, whispering sweet nothings that came and went as if they were the tide. Lestat wasn't paying attention, it was clear Nicki didn't expect him to, he was unsure of when his head had come to rest on the violinists shoulder, but it was comfortable, it was fine. Both of them were clearly in silent reflection, the silence was comforting in a way, Lestat hardly noticed when Nicki moved him off of his lap, leaving him behind in the armchair to go and pick up his violin. The blond was brought back to reality by the mournful sound of Nicki playing, whatever composition Nicki was focused on, it was so anguished, so melancholy, it nearly brought Lestat back to tears. There was only Nicki, Lestats mind was a flurry of emotions and memories, many of them centered around Nicki, the way that even though his beloved suffered no ailments he still struggled for life, still struggled to cling onto something, anything that would keep him afloat in a torrent of inky black that lapped at his skin and tried to pull him under. Time seemed to blur together as Nicki played, whether it had been ten minutes or a hundred years Lestat didn't know, nor did he care, he and Nicki were two sorry creatures isolated in a moment in time. It was upon the small noises of distress Lestat had been making in response to the overwhelming sadness coming back that Nicki stopped playing, the violin was stowed away again and Lestat was swept into Nickis arms. "My darling, why do you cry? You sob as though you are a peasant begging for his life before the gallows." Lestat, despite knowing the truth to Nickis words, glowered at the violinist, finding the ability to speak after a few moments. "Oh stop with all of the poetic bullshit." The blond muttered, his voice wobbly and faltering, though the words caused Nicki to laugh slightly despite the pitiful tone Lestat had used. "Alright. Alright. Is there anything you want that might make you feel better?" Nickis gentle tone brought Lestat to tears again, it was obvious his emotions were whirling out of control, he was grateful the violinist was there to hold him tight until it passed again. "Nicki, I want you to just kiss me. Like you would were we ever to marry, society permit." Lestat all but begged, lifting his head from Nickis shoulder so he could meet his beloveds eyes, Nicolas looked confused. "I beg your pardon?" At these words, Lestat let out an exasperated sigh, shaking his head slightly at the brunets obliviousness. "Honestly, for such a wise man you are rather blind. Do I need to say it in French for you, I will. Truly Nicki I-" Lestat was cut off by a pressure against his lips, the feeling of hands coming into his hair, the passion was near-overwhelming. If his life ended in that moment, Lestat would have been fine with that, he would gladly give his life a thousand times or more if he could be with his Nicki in his last moments, he just wanted _Nicki_. The blond would have given his own life to keep his Nicki happy, he would give Nicki everything he wanted, even if he had to work endlessly to afford it. 

"I'm never leaving, not if I can help it." Nicki whispered, pulling away so they could rest their foreheads together as they caught their breath. "You promise?" Lestat murmured, his eyes still damp with tears, though he couldn't tell whether they came from his previous sorrow or the passion. "Of course, mon amour. You have my heart to keep until you no longer want it, you have all of me to keep until you no longer want me. I will always love you, whether we can get married or not, a ring won't make anything different for our love, whether we legally wed or otherwise, we'll have a ceremony all by ourselves, without a priest or-" Lestat pressed his lips to Nickis again, effectively silencing the violinist, who made a irritated noise but didn't reject the kiss. "Truly Nicki? Without a priest? Oh the scandal!" The blond cried dramatically once he had pulled away, spinning Nicki around despite the brunets halfhearted protests. "I'm serious Lestat! I know societies standards for two men being together in such a way, we would never be allowed to marry. Dare I say we would be killed if we even suggested the idea." Nickis lips formed in an oh-so-tempting pout, though Lestat still nodded solemnly, he knew the violinist was right, their marriage would never be blessed by a priest, never made public, never to be announced, reserved only for moments hidden away in their small flat together. "I know, if only we knew a priest who didn't care about such standards. But regardless, when we're ready we'll wed ourselves, even if there's no blessing I'm certain a marriage between us would be stronger than most marriages between a man and woman." At this, Nicki burst out laughing at the bluntness of Lestats words, though they both knew that the blond was merely speaking the truth, it was still something hilarious to think about, something considered a sin had a higher likelihood of faithfulness than something considered to be the social expectation would. "Well it's true. Have you not heard the scandalous rumors that run through Paris like stray dogs do?" Oh, how Lestat loved hearing his Nicki laugh! He would sell his soul if that lovely sound were to echo in his ears forever, Lestat knew that Nicki would always hold him captive by the heart, their love was certainly something that would have made Romeo and Juliet turn green with envy. 

Upon the eased mood, all Lestats feelings of melancholy were washed away by the reality of his and Nickis affection, despite the fact that they would never properly wed, none of that mattered as long as they were together. "I quite like the idea of being married to you." Lestat stated, leaning into Nickis touch as the violinist placed a gentle hand to his cheek. "I know. I still feel wrong marrying without the blessing of a priest, but I also know we have no choice." Nickis words were in Lestats mind a little foolish, he still didn't fully understand the reasoning for why one thought a priest would be the declarer of whether a couple could marry or not, why the blessing of the church was a necessity to be considered legally wed. "Were you planning on going to the theatre tonight?" Nickis question caught Lestat somewhat off-guard, normally Nicki didn't care when he headed off to the theatre. "I was thinking about going for a little to see if I was needed for anything. Why?" Nicki only made an interested noise in response, causing Lestats curiosity to grow, it was common knowledge to anyone who knew him that Lestat did not enjoy being kept in the dark about anything. "Well, let's say you're going to want to clear your schedule for the night." These whispered words, words that in his pensive moods Nicki would proclaim as sinful caused a shiver to run down Lestats spine, just because he trusted the violinist didn't mean their nightly ventures didn't still make him hesitant. "Of course, I can go tomorrow." Lestat answered, knowing their night would end in a fury of drunken passions that they both would be reluctant to speak about the next day, the most they would mention it was perhaps a brief utterance of praise for each others actions. It made Lestat almost weak, just a mere mention of his and Nickis time together, the desire that came with it, the occasional anger where Nicki would border on cruel, the nights where Nicki was so gentle it made Lestat want to sob at the passion and love they held. There was always the silent question Lestat would always be too nervous to ask, the wondering if Nicki would hurt him. Yes it was true that he and the violinist adored each other, and it was also true that Nicki would not continue if Lestat did not want him to, but Nicki was often far too given to his emotions and even in the brief moments before Lestat was requesting that they simply went to sleep it would still hurt. Nicki never _meant_ to hurt him, Lestat knew that well, but it didn't change the accidental bruises and the scrapes upon flesh that were products of either too tight of a grip or nails scratching harshly, though Lestat couldn't deny his minor enjoyment of the thrill that came from Nickis nails dragging down his back in response to pleasures. 

"Mon cher, you seem worried, is there something troubling you?" With those words, Lestat found himself certain of Nickis gentle passions that night, it would not be painful in any way. Of course, Lestat understood that occasionally Nicki would forget himself, forget that before him Lestat had not lain with another man, only women whom he barely remembered, women that meant nothing to him and that he felt more pressured into spending the night with than anything else. Lestat was certain that if there had been a chance he took another lover, he would certainly have forgotten himself as well in the face of pleasures, and often times it only took a quiet reminder from Lestat that he was still not entirely accustomed to all the things Nicki was. "No, just thinking." Lestat felt almost as if he were viewing the situation from the point of view of a third party, lost in his own mind though not in the typical way he was, not the melancholy way that would drive him to fall into such a panic he would forget how to breathe entirely, the times Nicki had to guide him through even the simple actions of breathing and shifting his position. Nicolas accepted that answer, both men retreated to their separate armchairs, both men fell silent, lost in their own thoughts. The silence gave Lestat time to think, he was less doubtful of their choice to move to Paris, but the idea of facing the world still frightened him, the idea that he may not be good enough to make them money downright terrified him, but Lestat was driven by pure determination, he would not fail at this as he had so many other things. "I love you, Nicki." Lestat mumbled, looking at his beloved and flashing the violinist a smile, to which Nicki responded with a smile of his own. "Perhaps one day before we die we shall find ourselves in a position where we can marry, would you say yes?" Lestat was pushing at the boundaries, too curious to keep himself from asking, he needed to know if he was wasting his time dreaming about Nicki agreeing without knowing whether the brunet would truly do so or not. "I should think I would like very much to marry you should the opportunity present itself, though we mustn't get our hopes up, you must remember that what we do and how we feel is a sin in the eyes of the public. We may never get the chance to marry as a normal pair would, but dare I say we are far from normal." Lestat wanted to fling himself into Nickis arms, after all, often times they were his place of solace, the one place he felt he was fully safe, shielded from all the bad that plagued their world, then again, Lestat was a person of impulse. He settled himself on Nickis lap, his head coming to rest on the violinists chest as he let his eyes shut, Lestat had decided a nap would do him well if he wanted to stay awake long enough for him and Nicki to truly have fun. The gentle carding of Nickis hand through his hair soothed Lestat into a slumber, his last conscious action being nuzzling up as close to the brunet as he could before he was descending into his dreams, many of them being he and Nicki happy together and able to marry without risking death in result of their marriage.


End file.
